Mommy Olympics

Today I am departing from my usual child whinefest to write an open letter to mommy's everywhere about a subject we are all aware of but refuse to talk about. I call them the Mommy Olympics.


The Mommy Olympics is a series of races we began to compete in once we even thought about having children. The first competition, who would get the first dose of baby dust, who would be the first to get the stick to turn blue, make 2 lines, beep, scream whatever your stick (or sticks) did to alert you that you have won your first medal in the Mommy Olympics. Once you mastered this first feat, you were able to move into the Olympic village of Mommyhood. From our warm cozy village, we watched as some of our friends, no matter how hard they trained could not grasp the gold medal of pregnancy. We felt sad for them, we worried about our medal's shine and how that shine felt each time they saw us each time we grew into a new uniform. Some of our friends finally grabbed the gold and moved into the village with us. As the village grew we began to see that the competition was stiff and the decisions to be made could have lasting impact on our pursuit of medal status. The questions and silence our answers sometimes brought ( It's OK to have the tuna right?) made us question our athletic ability (we are all in this together right??) The questions and doubts begin to pile up, small glass of wine? Drugs or no drugs? Birth in the hospital, birthing center, home, bathtub, woods, jungle, at sunrise at sunset. The choices were dizzying, if I make the wrong move will I lose?

But we have our fellow mommy's right? We are all in this together, we are all on the same team. Well, maybe not, it seems like we should be but suddenly you see camps forming within our Olympic village. Now we are like distant countries, huddled together to try and beat the other side to the gold. Perhaps the stress of 9 months of vomiting, stretching, not sleeping and 1 too many bowls of Apple Jacks has taken it's toll. Once we finish this next marathon we will be able to regroup and our team will heal.

So after many month's we move out of the village one by one as our next medal makes it's arrival, screaming all the way home.

Now that we are though the hard part, these Olympics must be over, we will all go back to the team we were.

Unless you, go back to work or stay home or breastfeed or bottle feed or breast and bottle feed, if you use a pacifier, if you don't, if you let them cry it out, if you rock your medal to sleep or GASP if sleep with your medal. The judges table never seems to be satisfied no matter how hard you try.

These mini competitions never seem to end, the stakes keep rising and the medals become even more difficult to attain. Eating, crawling, sitting up, walking talking singing, dancing, jumping running, whatever skill it is there is a who did it first, Pre-School, when did YOU start? "Ohhh she's not potty trained yet hmm, well she won't go to kindergarten in a diaper will she." Activities, "well, I had Muffy in dance, music, violin, and drivers education at 18 months, you can never start to early when Harvard is a stake." School, public, private, hold them back a year, start on time, it never seems to end. Conventional, Organic, local, homemade and that is just for baby food.

What is my point to all this bitching and moaning? It is really not a point, it is a question. Why?

It seems like the group of people who should be the most supportive of mother's is the least. The Mommy Olympics has changed the sisterhood of women we were. We secretly judge each move another mom makes. Are we really that insecure in our abilities as mom's that we have to rat our other athletes out for steroid (or McDonald's for dinner) to the judges?

Does it really matter if we work, stay at home, home school, private school, make our baby food or hand loom with Organic cotton each frock our darlings ever put on their precocious bodies? Or does it matter that we can make decisions that work for us, work for our families and our children and know without judgment we have a squad of Olympic caliber athletes standing behind us to cheer us on and help us to reach the most desired medal of all, happy, healthy well adjusted children (that grow up and move away so we can have lunches that once again involve wine).

Don't get me wrong, I know that there are mom's who are the best support another mom could want. I have some of the best mom's I know as my friends and could not do my job without them but we are in the same Olympic village, we pretty much have the same viewpoints. I am talking about mommyhood as a whole. I am guilty of judging other mom's ( I have become much less judgy after my 3rd child who has totally pushed me over the edge of sanity) I am talking about the mom you see at Starbucks with 1 child and a nanny in tow, the mom who drops her kids off at daycare in the morning and picks them up at dinner, the mom who has a medical degree but gave it all up to stay home and run carpool, the business woman who now runs book fair like it's a Fortune 500 company. The mom's who don't do things the way we do, or the way we think they should.

You may not agree with me and you may live in Mommyutopia but there must be something to it. There have been several excellent books written on the subject.

Maybe check one out:

The Mommy Myth

http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Myth-Idealization-Motherhood-Undermined/dp/0743260465/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262219907&sr=8-1


Mommy Wars
http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Wars-Stay-at-Home-Choices-Families/dp/0812974484/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262219968&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Truth-Behind-Mommy-Wars-Decides/dp/1580051294/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262219968&sr=8-2

The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars

I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids

http://www.amazon.com/Was-Really-Good-Before-Kids/dp/081185650X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262210139&sr=1-1

The next time you look down at your nose at that mom in Target with 3 kids all in their pajamas eating lollipops and slushes at 10 AM, don't judge, her, she is in this with you and would really appreciate a supportive smile, you know, I have been there before

Oh how has this happened to me

As my friends on Facebook know, I have a huge problem with my middle one. He is well, how do I put this, a bit of a ummmm class Casanova.

At the tender age of 4, my darling son has 2 girls who take turns rubbing his back during nap, 1 girl who carries his backpack as consolation for his refusal to hold her hand and has informed me recently that he needs to keep mint gum with him so he "has minty breath when he kisses the girls"

I have investigated this troubling situation with his teachers. First of all there is no kissing going on and now that she knows, they are on the look out (sorry N, if you were older I would not have blocked you)

There are girls rubbing his back, there is no stopping this. The backpack carrier wants to be able to hold onto the back strap of his backpack on the way to the bus (we are starting carpool next week!) I at this point will issue my blanket apology to mother's, father's and their daughters:

Dear (fill in your daughter's name)

I am so sorry that N (dumped you, did not ask you to prom, did not call the next day, asked your sister out or any other wrong he has done). His father and I have tried to teach him to be a sweet boy who is kind to everyone. This has apparently backfired as he seems to have taken it to an extreme with young ladies. I know he means well, there is just not enough of him to go around (his words, not mine). Please do not hold this against us. I know someday you will meet a wonderful boy that will take good care of you. Before you ask, yes, I do have another son and no you can't go out with him.

Best of Luck!
N's mom