Wednesday, June 16, 2010

An affair to remember (how to do the dishes)

Dear Boys (yes even the big boy)

Here is today's instruction manual. Dishes and the dish washer.

Like the laundry room, the dish washer is not locked. The only time you cannot open it is when it is running (more on that later) you can feel free to put your dirty dishes inside. Glasses go on top, plates bowls etc on the bottom. There is a little basket for the silver ware, you can put your forks, knives and spoons in there.

When you go to dump out the glass of milk that you didn't drink and whined asked for, please pour it into the sink, not on the pans that are in the sink or into another cup in the sink.

You can place your spoon and bowl into the sink, you do not need to throw them in order to spray dirty water and old milk across the kitchen.

Please feel free to clear your plates when you are done eating Unless you are going to start leaving a tip on the table do it yourself. My names not Flo.

Now a few special instructions for the big boy.

Please note when you say "I am going to clean the kitchen" I expect to see a clean kitchen. You equate clean kitchen with loading the dishes in the dishwasher. That would be "I am going to load the dishwasher"

Here is your checklist for "I am going to clean the kitchen"

Load the dishwasher
Clean the pots and pans, magic happens when that sponge touches the pans, trust me, it is not to be missed
Wash out the sink
Sweep and use a wet Swiffer when the spots are big enough to notice
Clean the counters, table, stove top and any other place you see sticky hand prints

" I am going to load the dishwasher" would be just that dishes into the dishwasher

Tomorrow boys we tackle potties, the good, the bad and the fact that there are 2 seats!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


Dear Boys (including the big boy)

I am sorry I did not provide you with an instruction manual for operating the following 


Dish Washers



I feel like I have had given you instructions several times for these but I understand that boys develop slower then girls so in the interest of science, I repeat myself (again). Over the next few days I will provide you with operating directions to the items in our home that seem to puzzle you the most. 


The clothes that lay on bathroom and bedroom floors do not get washed. Unless you are planning on hand washing them in the bath tub that you throw them by. 

The door is not locked. You can open the laundry room door to put your clothes inside. The door operates just like the door to your bedroom. 

The laundry basket is divided into 2 sides. Lights and darks. Please place light items in the LIGHT side and colored into the DARK side. 

If you project some type of bodily fluid onto your laundry, please inform me so I can treat it accordingly.  I do not appreciate mystery smells while washing your clothes. 

If you run out of underwear please check the stack of laundry that has been sitting on your dresser for 2 weeks. 

Please remove all items from your clothes, gum, pens, rocks, stickers and notes home from school do not fair so well in the washer and dryer. 

Your clothes will be returned to you in place them in the laundry. If pants are inside out with underwear still attached, this is how they will be washed and returned. 

I hope that this clears up any confusion about laundry practices in our house. 

Tomorrow we will learn how to operate the dish washer and the magic things that can happen when a sponge hits a pan! 

Monday, June 14, 2010

An open letter to Starbucks

Dear Starbucks,

I know there is a lot of buzz about your perceived world domination to fulfill the caffeine needs of bleary eyed caffeine addicts around the world. You are accused of being to commercial and financial experts have based our $20 a week Starbucks habits as the root of our financial downfall.

I feel very differently. I have a deep affection for you. You are an intricate part of my children's lives. It is because of you that I am able to function as the mom I am. Your support has been invaluable. Who else is open at 6 am to greet me for the 10 minutes I have away from children today? You are the ones who sensing my son's need to nap in the car delivered a drive thru to my neighborhood like manna from heaven. I have made countless trips through that drive thru with my children sleeping through the years.

 You never judged me when I still ordered a Venti latte 9 months pregnant.

You deliver my children cookies and chocolate milk which allow me to get my grocery shopping done.

If all of this was not enough, you sensing something was missing in my Starbucks circle of life, you opened in Target. It was the perfect marriage. Strolling the aisle looking at row after row of stuff I don't need but have to have while sipping a latte is mommy Nirvana. You are the best $4 I spend on any given day.

You and you alone are keeping me off of Xanax.

With much love,

Your every loyal Venti 2 Splenda skinny vanilla latte mom with 3 screaming (or sleeping) kids in the car in their pajamas, swim suits or underware

Crazed Mama

Sunday, June 13, 2010

True Colors

I have been in a state of transition. My life and work focus have totally shifted. I have been spending many many hours a week getting my Macaroni Kid site set up, lining up ads and networking to get the best product I can out there. I have also been asked to write for Deep South Moms which I feel very privileged to do. I have not been able to pay as much attention to my blog and I thank those of you who have not only hung in there with me but those of you who have followed with my shitty post track record over the last few months.

As I have made this major shift in my life, I have also gained some much needed clarity. Let me rewind.....

I am a pleaser, to the point that I think for many years I have sacrificed my own beliefs, needs and desires to make and hold onto friendships that I felt I really needed. Really, it is just my need to belong. I have not been able to be that person lately because I am so busy writing, I really have no time for much once I attend to the royal family and all their demands.

I have always tried to be a cheerleader for my friends. I really feel like that is our job, to cheer each other on and to find a way to support and celebrate. Sometimes it's not easy, we are all busy with children, families and the demands of daily life. This is where I have found that the true nature of a friend shows it's self. How you handle your friends success and failures despite how busy your life gets. It's the little things that really let a friend know that you care. When you call to follow up on something important you know they have going on, an event, a doctor's appt, something going on with their family or something with work.

I have suffered some disappointments over the past few months. Places that I expected to find this support and celebration were not there. I have been surprised, places I did not expect to find the support and celebration have been a overwhelming.  I have struggled with not being hurt by the disappointment and trying to focus on the positive. Over the past couple of days I am finally feeling like I have gotten to this place.

I have had a very trying few months and an unbearable amount of personal stress that has left me in tears many days. Some of the people I expected to be there for me were not. I was hurt, now I just feel relieved. For me, it is a better place to be when I know where I stand with people. I truly would rather someone tell me that they just don't like me then to pretend to like me or ignore my phone calls or emails and have some lame ass excuse as to why they don't respond. Friendship is work, it requires you to look outside of your own needs and meet the needs of another. It's like a marriage in a lot of ways. It's the small things you do that show your true colors.

Now that I have reached the end of the drama that has unfolded in my personal life these last few months, I am pleased to know where I stand with people, even if they didn't have the courage to let me know themselves. It feels great to release and be able to move on.

I will now return to my regularly scheduled bitchfest blogging that you expect from me and leave this soft hearted posting behind me.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Back on the horse and some tips for a great Summer

Today was the last day of school and I am hoping to get my groove back. Now that I can park my kids in front of the TV and the Wii for hours on end spend my days creating lasting memories while baking and making endless crafts with my children I want to share my tips for Summer fashion with you.

1. If you have to pull it down when you walk, it's too short
2. If it wiggles or has dimples cover it
3. White shoes never look good no matter who made them (I'm talking to you Jimmy Choo)
4. Wax. I know it hurts but the shaving does not do the trick. Do us all a favor and wax
5. Just because the swim suit is black that doesn't mean it makes YOU look skinny

I hope these will get you off to a smooth start. As always, if in doubt, throw it out.


Friday, June 4, 2010

If you live in Charlotte come to my PARTY~

Don't worry, I have a post coming about the crazy thing my mom did to me today but first! 

The Motherhood and Hebrew National contacted yours truly and asked if I wanted to host a party with 3 other cool mommy bloggers and support an amazing charity. No brainer! So I am please to announce this amazing event in Charlotte! If you are in Charlotte come see me! I The following information was taken from The Motherhood's website to detail the events for you! Check out Birthday Blessings! You are going to love what they do and want to support them! 

Join us in Charlotte!!!!! The Hebrew National Better-Than-A-Picnic Picnic in Charlotte, NC is June 13th!

Please join our rocking, fabulous blogger hosts:

Brittany, Mommy Words

Maricris Zen Mama Ventures

Julie  Mommie Cooks

Rebecca  Letters from Crazyville

Date: June 13th, 11:30 am - 3:30 pm

Location: Freedom Park

Who: You can bring kids, family, friends -- many other local bloggers and their kids will be there too!

What: Fun, Hebrew National hotdogs, friends, a service project (details below)

There will be LOTS to do and enjoy -- music, giant puzzles, a mechanical bull and other activities for kids and families, too!

Service project:

Our Charlotte project will focus on an amazing organization, Birthday Blessings which provides birthday presents and birthday parties for homeless children.

We ask that guests bring donations of new unwrapped gifts and party supplies. The greatest need is for teens and tweens.

We will assemble birthday kits and make birthday cards for children to go along with the gifts.

ABOUT (from Birthday Blessings was founded in 2005 by Amy and John Cervantes of Charlotte, North Carolina. Their family service project was born from a desire to raise their children with a love and commitment for giving to others in need. What began as a monthly birthday party at one homeless shelter in 2005, has now grown into a thriving non-profit that operates three programs serving homeless children and families across multiple counties in the greater Charlotte region.

The goal of Birthday Blessings is to bring joy, recognition, and support to needy children and families during difficult and sad times in their lives. Our three core programs raise spirits and boost confidence for homeless children ages tots to teens, and offer help and hope to homeless parents and their babies.

Every year, Birthday Blessings makes a positive impact in the lives of thousands of needy youth and families across our greater Charlotte community. As an all-volunteer organization, our dedicated "staff" of volunteers are truly the heart of all that we do.

We hope to see you there!

**I am being compensated for attending and promoting this event