Monday, March 29, 2010

I sassed off....shocking I know

My baby girl has a strong personality, a strong sense of self and a great love for order in all things she encounters. I love that she has gumption, that she doesn't  let anyone push her around. Apparently not everyone finds her as amusing and lovable as I do.  

For the past several weeks (all school year) baby girl has been in a pre-school class of all boy's (until last week when a new little girl started). Baby girl, having 2 big brothers, knows how to handle herself.....and I guess everyone else around her. Her teachers have been informing me for weeks at pick up about which boy she bossed around, which boy she told to eat his lunch or stop pulling things off the walls, telling which teacher to pick something up and the list goes on. It was a cute story the first 2 times. Now it is just old. Every day they have some story for me about something she did and if there is no story, when I ask how her day was I get "Well, good but she sure is bossy". Finally I turn to her teacher and say "well, isn't it good she can hold her own, women need to learn to stand up for themselves" her teacher in her best I'm gonna humor you because I have to voice say's "well, I guess"....

I made a major mistake in this scenario, can you spot it.......

I continued to ask how her day was at pick up......ROOKIE MISTAKE! 

So I have stopped, I pick her up and say "glad she had a great day! See you next week" 

This week though, I got one comment too many and lost it (a little, there were 2 year olds around)

Here's the scene....

Baby girl's little boyfriend's birthday in class. All of the kiddos sitting at the table, 2 teachers and 2 other mom's. Her teacher say's "Oh baby girl was telling all the kids what to do today, she blah blah blah blah" she went on and on one of my mom-a-like's was sitting at the table and gives me the eye (you know the are you gonna lose your shit at her now eye) 

I looked at this woman and in my best "I'm saying this as nice as I can but if you don't back off my tone is gonna change real quick" and I said " You know what, I love that my girl has moxie, I want her to be confident and stand up for herself and do you know any man that DOESN'T"T need a woman to tell him what to do?" 

Here is the real reason this makes me so mad.....I spend a lot of money for my kid to attend this school, like I could buy new Jimmy Choo's every month kinda money. What I spend a year I could abandon my kids for a month and hide on a Greek Island. 

As far as I'm concerned she should be blowing rainbows and unicorns up my you know what. 


(Go ahead click the link above, more than once, you'll see what I mean) 

I really feel like they should be able to find 1 nice thing to say about my kid when I pick her up. She's not beating anyone up (yet) she's not hitting or biting, she is merely helping them do their job and quit frankly, they should probably be giving me a tuition discount for it 

Now a lot of my fellow pre school mom's read my blog so I hope you will respect my Vegas blog rules and not go ratting me out to the director for complaining about my teacher. 

Remember What happens in Crazyville stay's in Crazyville (or I drop my kids off at your house, all of them) 


Sunday, March 28, 2010

I'm a liar......My Dirty Laundry

Happy Sunday! I hope you will play along and air some of your dirty laundry on your blog too. I don't have Mr Linky set up yet so go a head and leave your link in your comment!

My dirty laundry for today, well I had 2 and I was having a hard time deciding so I decided to tell you what I lie about....I lie about toys and there whereabouts to my boy's.

You know all those little toys they come home with in goody bags (sorry mama friends), the toys from the Happy Meals, they all go to the same place

I sneak them in any time I can, the kids are sitting at the table, I'm cleaning up the playroom....oops Darth Vader falls into the trash. In their rooms, making beds....oops there goes a Kung Fu Panda.

Call me heartless, I am sure I could donate them, give them away etc but they find them. They are savvy little pack rats and the always manage to find anything I try and hide from them. Honestly, there is only so much of this

and this

That I can take. So, I lie to my kids, I tell them I have no idea where their annoying Alvin and The Chipmunks toy is that wont stop making noise and makes me want to scratch my eyes out. I have no idea where it is.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

New Word

Baby Girl has decided she wants to use the potty (which I think sucks because it is a huge PIA to take a girl potty) gone are my day's of opening the sliding doors and telling my kids to hang it out the side. Now I have to pull over, find a potty cover it up and hoist her little booty up there. Really she could have stayed in diapers for a lot longer then she has. 

There has been a lot of fall out from her desire to potty train but the worst is my boy's now have a new vocabulary word to laugh about....vagina. 

It played out like this: I put Baby Girl on the little potty, she pees gets off decides she has to pee more wont use the little potty because it's "durty use mommy's potty" (really she is a Prima Donna) stick her om the big potty....boy 2 walks in "Mommy why is Baby Girl's penis so small" (I have avoided teaching the V word to them and just responed to the penis comments with a frank "She doesn't have a penis" ) 

But he asked, he finally asked "Well, what does she have?" 
"A vagina honey, she has a vagina" 
Boy 2 screams "A pugina baaaaaa she has a pugina" 
"No sweetie a vagina" 
Boy 1 "a maguina, did you say maguina baaaaaa" 
"No a VAGINA" 

It finally dawns on me that there messin' with me.

They proceed to run up and down the hall screaming a million variations of vagina. I am sure I'm getting a phone call from school tomorrow

Cute huh? Glad you think so, come pick them up at 7, I'll have them all packed up for ya.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Spelling Words

Dear Heir and Spare,

I would like to let you know that I am no longer enjoying practicing spelling with you. What started as a simple homework assignment has become yet another way for the 2 of you to prove your intellectual superiority over your mother. We started with simple words like election, review and territory. But now you have turned the tables on me. You are testing me. You are plotting to see if you can trick me. You are going to make the men come and take me away in the crazy wagon sooner. So let's clear things up. I am the tester, I will be the only one asking anyone to spell anything in the car ride home. You will no longer ask me to spell I C-u-p or ask me to say lettuce and then spell c-u-p, I now know what a PT is. I fell for it once (maybe twice) but I will not fall for it again because I am

 The Spelling Enforcer


Sunday, March 21, 2010

Body Dismorphia

My Dirty Laundry for today!! 

I am sure I am not the only woman who suffers from this disorder. I do however think I may have an extreme case. I am not a big girl, I would not however call myself tiny or skinny by any stretch. I think I am probably just plain ole' average. I could lose 5 (10) pounds but really am not willing to give up the ice cream to maintain it. I could run a little more often, I could do a few (lot) more sit ups but I don't. I maintain just where I am. 

The funny thing is, I am thinner after having 3 kids then at any other point in my life including High School.

But still when my friends tell me I look skinny, tell me I have lost a lot of weight I cringe.

I think I live in a world of fun house mirrors

My husband tells me I have body dimorphic disorder. I totally thought he made it up but it is a real thing! I am not sure that I meet the clinical definition but I may be borderline.

 Some scientist have determined that everyone has a set point . Not all scientist agree with this theory but it makes sense to me.  I can get down to the teens but I can never maintain it for long.

Maybe it's just because I am not one of those girls who wants to give up carbs, cheese,  meat, sugar, diet soda or any of the other things that I love. I love to eat, I don't just eat to fuel my body, I enjoy food that taste good, I enjoy an Oreo when I have had a shitty day and you all know they will have to pry my wine from my cold dead hands.

I am at a healthy weight, I have a good BMI, my doctor has no worries about the weight I maintain. I am the one who is hard on me about it. I envy my friends who can eat anything and stay tiny tiny, I envy my friends who can avoid the foods that I can't (because I would be an evil chick without the oooey gooey goodness of cheese in my life).

I turn a big age next year that ends in a 0 and does not start with a 3 anymore. So I am going to try and  give myself a gift (early) the gift of body acceptance for my Birthday. As long as I am healthy, I will (try) no longer try and force myself into a size  I just was never meant to be.

I think we should all give ourselves this gift. If you are at a weight that does not impact your health but maybe is not the weight you dream of, find a new dream, love the weight you are.

Go forth and eat your ice cream!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Friday Night Leftover's filled with love and a special birthday

Go See Danifred at Sippy Cups and leave her some love.She rocks! If you don't follow her yet...WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? She kicks booty and her kids are so friggin cute you have to see their pictures! 

First thing I need to give some big ole' virtual hugs to some Mama's 

Shell over at Things I can't Say is one of the most kind hearted people I have ever encountered. She goes out of her way to support ever blogger that she can. She is wiling to share her knowledge and her experiences with any one who asks. She has 3 kiddos but always makes time for others. My husband would like me to thank her for her lovin' blog (wink wink) Go visit her and take part in her new Meme Pour Your Heart Out.

Rebekah at Mom-in-a-million for her awesome guest blog on Sunday. The response was great and I am pissed I don't have a Wegman's now. 

I have tried to follow everyone back who has followed me, if I have missed you please remind me. I am trying to be a better commenter, this whole parenting thing get's in the way sometimes 

                                    HAPPY BIRTHDAY 

My baby girl turned 2 yesterday. I can't believe it. How has this happened and why is my butt still so big. I think I should get 1 year per child to lose the weight so baby #3, I get 3 years to take it off. Phew 1 more year to go 

Here are some pictures of Her Royal Highness Princess Carry-Me-A lot 

With her big brothers (do you love my little Blondie's kick ass long hair)

First Birthday (Damm, good hair day for mama)


2 year old fashion icon

Happy Birthday my sweet baby girl. Thank you for all of the joy you bring into my life everyday. I hope your life is always blessed with peace and happiness 
xoxo Mama

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth

Cara Mama was married last weekend and she was silly enough to invite me. Actually, she and I have been friends for more than 15 years so she really had no choice. If I had not been invited, I would have shown up any way like this

and screaming about her fiance Rocket being the dad causing several of the old Bubbes there to drop dead on site

So to avoid a Jonestown scene at her wedding, she invited me.

My darling husband and I made the 6 hour drive from our lovely Southern city (that can't manage to get a friggin Whole Foods or Wegman's to open up in it)

First I want to say, you learn some shit about people when you spend that much time in a car with them. I thought I knew all there was to know. NOPE and let's just say, sometimes we don't need to know EVERYTHING!

Here are some pictures of the car we followed into DC

My genius husband figured if we followed this guy and we are both going 90, the dude with the hoopdee would got pulled over first. I am so sad to report that I could not get a picture of the Hummer with pictures of stripper's on the side. He was going to slow and my husband wanted to keep up with bumper dude

On the day of the wedding it was raining, Cara Mama was sick of everyone telling her it was good luck. Being the good friend that I am, I told her rain on your wedding day sucks, it's a b**ch to get your hair done be in a long dress and have to step through mud and crap on your way to pictures. I'm not gonna lie to ya, that's the kind of friend I am a regular ole' 

I was not ruining my beauties that I was debuting at the wedding. Carlos rode in the place of honor on the way to the wedding. I wore my UGGS into the winery and carried Carlos. True story! Here is proof

Let me also say that I need to give a big shout out to Spanx for giving me the booty of a 20 year old. I LOVE YOU! Sorry no booty shots, this is not that kind of blog (usually)

The wedding was beautiful even though my husband would not let me hold a glass of wine during the ceremony and took it from me and POUNDED it before I could object.....I told you road trips teach you some things about people.

Here is a picture of the beautiful bride and her groom

Look at those big barrels of wine! I hope that is what my heaven is like

After the wedding, we moved to the back of the barrel room where they were pouring wine, lots of wine. Some how I had 2 before the food was served. I met a lovely friend of Cara Mama's and her husband, Melba Toast. He was so dry and boring, I was so tipsy, I think I kept talking to him just because I could tell how much he didn't want to be talking to me and I couldn't find my husband.

Really he kept pulling the disappearing act on me. I found out later where he was....stayed tuned.

Somehow, each time I went to get drink, the grooms Uncle and father were standing by the bar and seemed to be continuing the same conservation about what to do after the wedding. Being the girl I am, I invited them to come have dinner with us (it was an early afternoon wedding). Apparently,  I invited them several times, like each time I saw them. I think his dad thought I was
A. Trying to pick him up
B. A stalker
C. Some drunk chick who was following him around the wedding
D. All of the above

So because I could not find my husband, the groom's dad was hiding from me, Melba Toast was well, Melba Toast. I went off to play with Cara Mama's beautiful little girl. She is 5 (going on 15). Being the good Aunt I am, we went off to apply lipstick and blush, get drinks in fancy glasses and talked about what she want's to be when she grows up (ME!!! Really she said she wants to be me)

My husband finally showed back up, I took Carlos off (who was hit on by several woman admiring my feet) and climbed into the car, drunk at 6 PM in the middle of nowhere VA. So what's a girl to do?

Have her hubby drive to the nearest BP, get directions to the local burger joint, order take out, put on my jammies and eat a big ole' burger.

Where was my husband during the reception?? Well I get into the car look into the backseat and see

HE WAS PUTTING OUR GLASSES IN OUR CAR!! You counted correctly, there are 8 of them. 8!!!

He said they were special, they have the name of the Winery. I can understand 1 maybe 2 so we each have one. But 8!

I think he was drunk and I missed it because I was hanging with Mr Melba Toast.

I told you, road trips bring out some scary shit in people.

Oh please do not arrest me I would not do well in jail and I look really really bad in orange.

Next time we fly. No more road trips with sticky fingers

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


I am guest blogging over at We Believe Blogs today. It is a post a wrote awhile back but I got a ton of feedback on it. I am reposting it for my new followers and for We Believe readers so get outta here and head over there and share some love. I will be back Thursday with my wedding story. I can't find the pictures I thought I took (told ya it wasn't pretty)

Don't forget about the Crazyville Memorial Day Challenge to bring me to 100 Followers and 500 Facebook Fans here is a little preview of one of the goodies you can win in your gift basket of goodness

Glam Gloves!! I love these and if I have to do the damm dishes I'm gonna look good while I'm doing it!

So get going find me some fans and followers or have dish pan hands