Sunday, March 21, 2010

Body Dismorphia

My Dirty Laundry for today!! 

I am sure I am not the only woman who suffers from this disorder. I do however think I may have an extreme case. I am not a big girl, I would not however call myself tiny or skinny by any stretch. I think I am probably just plain ole' average. I could lose 5 (10) pounds but really am not willing to give up the ice cream to maintain it. I could run a little more often, I could do a few (lot) more sit ups but I don't. I maintain just where I am. 

The funny thing is, I am thinner after having 3 kids then at any other point in my life including High School.

But still when my friends tell me I look skinny, tell me I have lost a lot of weight I cringe.

I think I live in a world of fun house mirrors

My husband tells me I have body dimorphic disorder. I totally thought he made it up but it is a real thing! I am not sure that I meet the clinical definition but I may be borderline.

 Some scientist have determined that everyone has a set point . Not all scientist agree with this theory but it makes sense to me.  I can get down to the teens but I can never maintain it for long.

Maybe it's just because I am not one of those girls who wants to give up carbs, cheese,  meat, sugar, diet soda or any of the other things that I love. I love to eat, I don't just eat to fuel my body, I enjoy food that taste good, I enjoy an Oreo when I have had a shitty day and you all know they will have to pry my wine from my cold dead hands.

I am at a healthy weight, I have a good BMI, my doctor has no worries about the weight I maintain. I am the one who is hard on me about it. I envy my friends who can eat anything and stay tiny tiny, I envy my friends who can avoid the foods that I can't (because I would be an evil chick without the oooey gooey goodness of cheese in my life).

I turn a big age next year that ends in a 0 and does not start with a 3 anymore. So I am going to try and  give myself a gift (early) the gift of body acceptance for my Birthday. As long as I am healthy, I will (try) no longer try and force myself into a size  I just was never meant to be.

I think we should all give ourselves this gift. If you are at a weight that does not impact your health but maybe is not the weight you dream of, find a new dream, love the weight you are.

Go forth and eat your ice cream!


Frugal Vicki said...

You know what really stinks, I am the heaviest I have ever been, but I always have felt fat (doesn't help that my sister and mother have never ever weighed in three digits), and now I look back at how skinny I actually was, and I regret thinking I looked heavy and not feeling as good about myself as I should have!

Rebecca said...

How's this? If my knees were skinny, I'd have a better body image...I've considered plastic surgery on them (briefly, not seriously).

This line? "they will have to pry my wine from my cold dead hands." You rock!!!

Brittney said...

I think I have that too!! I get mad at myself for not being tall and skinny, buy I too just dont care ENOUGH to give up the foods I love. i have gotten down to itty bitty many times but I always seem t get right back where I am now, Ive accepted it and moving on! I think there are more important things than fitting in... (my size 3 jeans) haha!

Shell said...

Mmmm, ice cream....

I totally have this. I complain about my weight, but no one else sees it. I know I'm not "fat", but I see the imperfects and magnify them.

Mommy of 3! said...

I say everyday I am going to start South Beach Diet, only to lose the battle and eat the things I love. I am probably a size 6 but after three kids, I feel and look huge! As far as ice cream, OMG we had some tonight and it was so I can't give it up even to try to be a size 4..

For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

Great post! And good for you!

My mom once pointed out that I will never look better than I do today...that someday I will look back at pictures and think - what was my problem. I looked great.

Your next birthday is the perfect time to let body image go and just ENJOY life - and eat your cake too!

The Mommyologist said...

I struggle with being hard on myself too! It just seems like every time I get somewhat satisfied with the way I look, I find an old photo from my bridal shower and it makes my self esteem go right in the gutter. In fact, I started a new cleanse today! We'll see where it goes...

Danifred said...

Yep, over here too. I will never be happy with my body. I've decided it's a losing battle I can not win.

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

We are twins. No joke. I could have written this post exactly the same except I turn that horrid age next month. If you tell anyone I will kill you.

Oh, one other difference. I only have two kids. But other than that....we are in perfect sync.