Monday, July 26, 2010

Road Trip....Crazyville Style

Prologue: Thursday the air blows in my car. Hades took over my city this summer and it has been so hot my dog won’t even go out to pee or bark at the birds. I took my car in that night . It was going to be ready at 1, 2, 3, 6 on Friday then 7:00 Friday night, it will be ready 8:30 Saturday morning (we were going to check into the resort on Saturday) Because Amelia Island Plantation is awesome, they moved us to Sunday check in. Because I was going to have to sleep with one eye open if I told my kids, who have been nagging the crap out of me for weeks about this trip, that we were not leaving until Sunday, we picked up the car and loaded it up to venture to some place between here and there to placate the masses. The car was loaded by 10:30. Quick (not) trip to Target and off we go. On the road by 11:30.

Road Trip Day 1

I have refused to travel more then 4 hours in a car with my children every since I had my second child  5 years ago. Now that I have 3 I have strictly enforced this rule. During an intense laps of sanity and obviously judgement, I agreed to do our yearly beach trip in Florida, at a beach that is 6 ½ hours away. Here is the chronicle of day 1 in the car with my 3 kids, my husband and 2 tons of shit that no one could live with out for a friggin week.

The first 3 hours

15 minutes into the trip
2 are we there yets, 1 I need to poop 3 I’m hungry and 2 new cuss words learned from mommy.

My husbands decides to keep tally on the car window . 

10 minutes later we stop at a rest stop. Remember I told you the car was full as shit…I had to pull a beach chair out to let the boys out to go to the bathroom and sat it on top of the car.

45 minutes later we stop for lunch at the Wendy’s at the Wilco is someplace South Carolina. I’m trying not to think about what I have just given my family to eat.

After lunch, I notice several other vans with these cool luggage bags strapped to the tops of their cars. The following is a real conservation between my husband and I

“Why don’t we have one of those?”

“I don’t know, we could have one”

“Would N be less crowed in the back”


“Can we get one?”


‘Now?, we’re passing through Columbia” (Which is an 1 ½ from my house )

15 minutes to locate the Mall. As a side note, the mall in Columbia was very nice. If your every passing through. They have a Coach store, a nice Belk, William Sonoma and a huge Crocs kisok at which I dropped $10 on jibbitz while trying to get myself a Starbucks so I didn’t hurt some over the next 6 hours in the car. 

When I get back to the car, my husband asked me where the other beach chair is. Oops..remember the chair I sat on the roof at the rest stop.

New luggage rack all strapped on, another 10 minutes looking for a Walmart to get cold drinks and my husband very sternly gives everyone a last chance pee.  25 minutes later....."I go potty", yes sweet baby girl who has REFUSED to use the potty since June when I almost had her potty trained has decided that now she is ready to use the potty.  No peeing in a bottle when you have a girl. Pull over, pull out the handy Potette and off she goes. Oh and of course Heir and Spare have to pee also. 

3 hours into our trip and we are and 1 1/2 from home. 

We are now at 4 cuss words, 5 are we there yets and a constant barrage of “we go Florida from baby girl”

Time to fire up the DVD player and make tracks. 6:30 PM (when we could have already been to our destination) we decided it's time to call it quits and I find a hotel for the night in Brunswick GA. Lucky for us, there is a Denny's that also doubles as a....wait for it.......Bowling Alley. I could have just taken them home after they ate dinner in the bowling alley AND bowl at the same time. Best vacation ever was the final report. 

9:00 babies all sleeping. Tally for the day 15 are we there yets 5 cuss words and 4 stops to pee

Day 2 

Up and out the door by 8 to find a Starbucks before mommy is hauled off in a white jacket. Where is the Starbucks in Brunswick GA? Target of course. Inside said Target, we meet Lynn who sends us to eat at her cousin Melissa's restaurant in St Simon for breakfast. Off we go for a "great southern buffet"
Full bellies and semi cranky over tired children in car AGAIN and 1 1/2 hours to our final destination. 3 kids sleeping within 45 minutes and we pass this sign...

I must have a picture

and of this one also

which of course woke all 3 kids up. Remember the last road trip my husband and I went on? They never disappoint

11:00 AM finally....destination reached. 

Tally for 2 day trip that should have taken 1 day 

30 are we there yet, 7 cuss words (all mine) and 7 stops to pee. Settled in at the beach, great ocean view and rum is chilled.....see you in a week with the ride home 

Monday, July 19, 2010

Day 1 of Build a Better Blog

My Blog life has been suckin to say the least. I can't find time to write, I hate my blog design and every time I look at it I want to cry because I am so puter tarded I have no idea how to fix it. My blog is so uninspiring looking that I think I am hiding from it not to mention I feel so bummed about my lack of time to read other bolgs that I have pretty much thrown in the white blog flag and left my blog to die alongside all the other poor neglected a final attempt to save my blogs life, I am going to take the 31 day Build a Better Blog challenge. You can hook up over at SITS and play along. Today is day 1 and of course I am already tardy to the pardy but here is day 1 post 1....Write an elevator pitch for your blog

New Tag Line: Let's go Crazy (OK Prince said it first but it works for me) 

Short Elevator Pitch: Letters from Crazyville is a place where readers can go and have an escape from the craziness of their days. A place where they can find an imperfect mom celebrating her imperfections and the extended amounts of therapy she will be paying for (for herself and children).

So here's to day 1. In my Aunt's very wise text she sent me, today is July 19, 2010. It is the only July 19, 2010 you will ever get, do something great with it. 

Thanks to all of you who have hung in there with me. Hopefully after these 31 days, I will find renewed passion for my blog


Saturday, July 17, 2010


I love my kiddos (usually) but sometimes I have to use a great deal of self control to not look at them and yell DUH!!! This little wave of poor parenting over took me last night when we were on our way home from a birthday party. The kids had been give these erasers that until last night I had managed to keep out of my house. These  erasers look like different items and some apart like a puzzle (read a million little pieces for me to step on, keep out of baby girls mouth and have to find for a screaming crying child when he can't find one of the damm pieces).

My son picked a soccer ball

and these balls come apart.....into 4 pieces......

As we are driving home my 5 year old begins to ask me 50 questions about box is what I think he is talking about

because he is asking the following questions.....

How do they get the box tops on there

Where do they put the box tops

What happens to the stuff in the box

Why do they do that

and it goes on and on for 10 minutes, I am questioned like a damm box top thief about these friggin things. Finally he says...well how do they make em green.....hey babe their not green....yes mine is see.....(he holds up the soccer ball).....Um child, that's not a box top, it's an ERASER.....Oh.....

I managed to refrain from slamming my head into the window and thus forcing me to convalesce in a hospital with my eyes bandaged so I don't have to look at this crazy parallel universe I live in.

To make matters worse, he drops one of the 29 pieces of this stupid thing and then begins to cry about his BOX TOP! Help me Jesus....I know I'm a Jew but I need reinforcements at this point in my life.

Guess should be used to it, this is the kid who licks his shoes.......

Come see me if your in Charlotte

I will be the hostess with the mostest at Carolina Place Mall from 3-4 this afternoon. Yoplit has asked me to come and tell you all about their YUMMY Yoplit Fiber One yogurt. If you can't come when I will be there (loser) you can come and get your yogurt in July 17 from 10 am-9 pm or 18 from 12 pm- 6 pm. There will be a tasting, games and coupons

Hey this stuff is yummy and only 50 calories and 5 grames of fiber so ditch the gym and come have a snack.

See you soon!
*I have been paid by Yoplait to attend this event (ya know the FCC stuff)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I have found my domestic goddess

A fancy publisher in fancy San Francisco asked me to read a review a book~the anti-Martha book. Now I love Martha as much as the next woman but she makes me feel, well, like a domestic loser. No matter how hard I try I cannot make a perfect pie crust (mainly because I'm to friggin lazy), I can't make jam, jelly, grow herbs, make a perfect sour dough bread or fold a fitted sheet. When I was asked to read "Life's Too Short To Fold Fitted Sheets", I almost flew to San Fran myself to hug, kiss and serve a store bought cake (that I put on my own cake stand and took credit for making) to the author, Lisa Quinn. The book came this week, I tore into the package (and threw the paper in the trash because I forgot to recycle it) and opened it up, found these words of wisdom " Change what you can/accept what you can't (or decorate around the ugly stuff)". Not even the Dali Lama himself has uttered words so wise. I invite you to read along with me. When you run out tonight to get a package of something to open for dinner (besides your wine), stop by the bookstore and get a copy of "Life's Too Short To Fold Fitted Sheets" and learn to embrace your half-assedness like me! I will be posting after each chapter so read along, I don't want to be a slack-ass mom by myself! Up first The Lackadaiscial Lifestyle (as if there is any other lifestyle) 

If you are a real Martha and can actually make a pie crust and the pie pan to serve it in, you can read "Women, Food and G-d" which I am reading and posting about on the amazing Mom Renewal Project.


Leave me a comment over there and let me know if you are going to read along so I can watch for you over at Mom Renewal Project.  My first post is up over there so check it out and let me know what you think! 

Friday, July 9, 2010

My Boy's and Neanderthals a case study

As I watched my boys play in our yard tonight, it suddenly dawned on me that evolution was alive and well and not so evolved in my own little corner of the world. My boys are just North of our ancient ancestors.

Exhibit A:  They are physically unable to refrain touching, poking or smelling any bug they come across. It does not matter how big, small, dead or alive it is. They must investigate it.. 

Exhibit B: They collect every piece of shit they come across. Like they are preparing for an impending raid from the neighboring cavemen, they have horded enough shit off the ground to build a ball of rubber bands the size of a soccer ball, enough rocks to stone any dinosaur to death and countless other random items that they could use to barter their way out a cave jail

Exhibit C: They are totally unable to not fall on the floor at any given minute into a full fledged wrestling match that always ends up with some one getting their head slammed into the floor.

Science says we have evolved, one hour in my backyard will prove them wrong