Monday, July 26, 2010

Road Trip....Crazyville Style

Prologue: Thursday the air blows in my car. Hades took over my city this summer and it has been so hot my dog won’t even go out to pee or bark at the birds. I took my car in that night . It was going to be ready at 1, 2, 3, 6 on Friday then 7:00 Friday night, it will be ready 8:30 Saturday morning (we were going to check into the resort on Saturday) Because Amelia Island Plantation is awesome, they moved us to Sunday check in. Because I was going to have to sleep with one eye open if I told my kids, who have been nagging the crap out of me for weeks about this trip, that we were not leaving until Sunday, we picked up the car and loaded it up to venture to some place between here and there to placate the masses. The car was loaded by 10:30. Quick (not) trip to Target and off we go. On the road by 11:30.

Road Trip Day 1

I have refused to travel more then 4 hours in a car with my children every since I had my second child  5 years ago. Now that I have 3 I have strictly enforced this rule. During an intense laps of sanity and obviously judgement, I agreed to do our yearly beach trip in Florida, at a beach that is 6 ½ hours away. Here is the chronicle of day 1 in the car with my 3 kids, my husband and 2 tons of shit that no one could live with out for a friggin week.

The first 3 hours

15 minutes into the trip
2 are we there yets, 1 I need to poop 3 I’m hungry and 2 new cuss words learned from mommy.

My husbands decides to keep tally on the car window . 

10 minutes later we stop at a rest stop. Remember I told you the car was full as shit…I had to pull a beach chair out to let the boys out to go to the bathroom and sat it on top of the car.

45 minutes later we stop for lunch at the Wendy’s at the Wilco is someplace South Carolina. I’m trying not to think about what I have just given my family to eat.

After lunch, I notice several other vans with these cool luggage bags strapped to the tops of their cars. The following is a real conservation between my husband and I

“Why don’t we have one of those?”

“I don’t know, we could have one”

“Would N be less crowed in the back”


“Can we get one?”


‘Now?, we’re passing through Columbia” (Which is an 1 ½ from my house )

15 minutes to locate the Mall. As a side note, the mall in Columbia was very nice. If your every passing through. They have a Coach store, a nice Belk, William Sonoma and a huge Crocs kisok at which I dropped $10 on jibbitz while trying to get myself a Starbucks so I didn’t hurt some over the next 6 hours in the car. 

When I get back to the car, my husband asked me where the other beach chair is. Oops..remember the chair I sat on the roof at the rest stop.

New luggage rack all strapped on, another 10 minutes looking for a Walmart to get cold drinks and my husband very sternly gives everyone a last chance pee.  25 minutes later....."I go potty", yes sweet baby girl who has REFUSED to use the potty since June when I almost had her potty trained has decided that now she is ready to use the potty.  No peeing in a bottle when you have a girl. Pull over, pull out the handy Potette and off she goes. Oh and of course Heir and Spare have to pee also. 

3 hours into our trip and we are and 1 1/2 from home. 

We are now at 4 cuss words, 5 are we there yets and a constant barrage of “we go Florida from baby girl”

Time to fire up the DVD player and make tracks. 6:30 PM (when we could have already been to our destination) we decided it's time to call it quits and I find a hotel for the night in Brunswick GA. Lucky for us, there is a Denny's that also doubles as a....wait for it.......Bowling Alley. I could have just taken them home after they ate dinner in the bowling alley AND bowl at the same time. Best vacation ever was the final report. 

9:00 babies all sleeping. Tally for the day 15 are we there yets 5 cuss words and 4 stops to pee

Day 2 

Up and out the door by 8 to find a Starbucks before mommy is hauled off in a white jacket. Where is the Starbucks in Brunswick GA? Target of course. Inside said Target, we meet Lynn who sends us to eat at her cousin Melissa's restaurant in St Simon for breakfast. Off we go for a "great southern buffet"
Full bellies and semi cranky over tired children in car AGAIN and 1 1/2 hours to our final destination. 3 kids sleeping within 45 minutes and we pass this sign...

I must have a picture

and of this one also

which of course woke all 3 kids up. Remember the last road trip my husband and I went on? They never disappoint

11:00 AM finally....destination reached. 

Tally for 2 day trip that should have taken 1 day 

30 are we there yet, 7 cuss words (all mine) and 7 stops to pee. Settled in at the beach, great ocean view and rum is chilled.....see you in a week with the ride home 


Babes Mami said...

Poor you, I'm scared to drive to Columbia with Babe in September (it's about 1 1/2 from me)...can't imagine 6 1/2!!

Danifred said...

I would have laid in the middle of a busy road and ended my own misery. I've had it with crabby kids and the car!