Sunday, June 13, 2010

True Colors

I have been in a state of transition. My life and work focus have totally shifted. I have been spending many many hours a week getting my Macaroni Kid site set up, lining up ads and networking to get the best product I can out there. I have also been asked to write for Deep South Moms which I feel very privileged to do. I have not been able to pay as much attention to my blog and I thank those of you who have not only hung in there with me but those of you who have followed with my shitty post track record over the last few months.

As I have made this major shift in my life, I have also gained some much needed clarity. Let me rewind.....

I am a pleaser, to the point that I think for many years I have sacrificed my own beliefs, needs and desires to make and hold onto friendships that I felt I really needed. Really, it is just my need to belong. I have not been able to be that person lately because I am so busy writing, I really have no time for much once I attend to the royal family and all their demands.

I have always tried to be a cheerleader for my friends. I really feel like that is our job, to cheer each other on and to find a way to support and celebrate. Sometimes it's not easy, we are all busy with children, families and the demands of daily life. This is where I have found that the true nature of a friend shows it's self. How you handle your friends success and failures despite how busy your life gets. It's the little things that really let a friend know that you care. When you call to follow up on something important you know they have going on, an event, a doctor's appt, something going on with their family or something with work.

I have suffered some disappointments over the past few months. Places that I expected to find this support and celebration were not there. I have been surprised, places I did not expect to find the support and celebration have been a overwhelming.  I have struggled with not being hurt by the disappointment and trying to focus on the positive. Over the past couple of days I am finally feeling like I have gotten to this place.

I have had a very trying few months and an unbearable amount of personal stress that has left me in tears many days. Some of the people I expected to be there for me were not. I was hurt, now I just feel relieved. For me, it is a better place to be when I know where I stand with people. I truly would rather someone tell me that they just don't like me then to pretend to like me or ignore my phone calls or emails and have some lame ass excuse as to why they don't respond. Friendship is work, it requires you to look outside of your own needs and meet the needs of another. It's like a marriage in a lot of ways. It's the small things you do that show your true colors.

Now that I have reached the end of the drama that has unfolded in my personal life these last few months, I am pleased to know where I stand with people, even if they didn't have the courage to let me know themselves. It feels great to release and be able to move on.

I will now return to my regularly scheduled bitchfest blogging that you expect from me and leave this soft hearted posting behind me.


Shell said...

Hey, girl- been thinking about you. Hope that everything is okay. You sound so busy!

Danifred said...

OMG- I could have TOTALLY written this! Just today there was a little de-friending Facebook incident that put me over the edge. I can absolutely relate and I totally get it.
As soon as I finish this doc. program I'm coming your way. We are totally reliving our younger years and ignoring the kids properly :)

3boyzrenough said...

I have meet a mom or 2 at the park, but non have panned out to be a real friend, (I have a 5 yrs old)I have been going to the park for awhile now. The ones I have meet & x-changed #'s w/, I am the one who has made the calls/email/text to get together.
My friends that I had b4 momhood, are still the best.
A true friend is a true person. They are the ones who stand by you & bring you & your family dinner when you need it.

Crazed Mama said...

Danifred bring it bitch! I can't wait. I'll come meet you in Raleigh and we can throw down!
Shell~your sweet, I'm good...just need to do some house cleaning ;-)

Rebecca said...

Wow! You sound like things are nutso around your house!!! It is so annoying to have to deal with that friend crap when you're a grown woman...sooooo annoying!!!

I wanna hang out with you and Danifred...make room in your cabana!

Stepping On Cheerios said...

I know exactly what you mean!