Monday, February 8, 2010

I know why I am going crazy

Driving my children home from school should not make me reconsider my sanity but today it did.

The following conservation is a true story the names have not been changed because everyone should be as scarred as I am from the incident.

I am on the phone with a friend trying to finalize some details for a function we are putting together. I hear screaming in the car (I ignore it usually because I am immune to it) followed by the words pee and now. I pull into the nearest parking lot (love boy’s, my daughter will have to lean to squat outside), still on the phone; I open the van doors and send them out. I look up and see them starting to pee on a wet paint sign and the electrical unit that was just painted (leave it to my kids). I yell, “not there, over here by the car I don’t need the whole street to see your butts.”

Mind you I am still on the phone (thank goodness the mom on the other line has 3 boy’s). I look over to make sure they are OK and then have to scream out the window “stop crossing pee”. Only a mom of more then 1 boy can appreciate this statement.

This experience got me thinking of the things I have said as a mother that I never thought I would say. Here is a sampling of a few:

Stop touching your brother with your penis

Stop making butt prints on the shower, window, snow, (it goes on and on)

No you cannot pee together

Get off your brother’s neck (back, head, foot, leg, hand) he is not a toy (rocket, dinosaur, car, dude from Star Wars or Indiana Jones)

Do not hit your sister in the head with a ball (again)

No you can’t bump butts in the bathtub (shower or when getting your PJ’s on)

Stop calling your sister like she’s the dog

Get your hands out of your pants

Don’t touch your penis at the table

If you want to touch it go to your room and wash your hands when you’re done

Can you find your sister please?

Call the dog and make him clean up the cheerios (grilled cheese, noodles, cookies well you get the point)

Put it away, nobody wants to look at it

Shut the door, nobody wants to watch you poop

Did you wipe

Did you wash your hands (with soap)

Don't stick the spoon handle in the dog's behind again! (true story ask my husband he was there) 

What have you said to your kids that has made you scratch your head and think “did I really just have to say that?”


Stepping On Cheerios said...

Tee Hee! Hahahahaha! Just tonight I was walking past my sons room and said, "Get your hands out of your pants!"

Shell said...

I can totally relate to the penis and butts ones. SIGH.

Rebecca said...

That is awesome...Matt peed on Hailey in the bath and I was like, "did I really just tell him not to pee on his sister's face?" Amazing what comes out of our mouths!!!

Danifred said...

Just yesterday I told Tot to stop shaking her butt in my face.
Aren't we the same two people who used to go to happy hour?

Crazed Mama said...

Yes Danifred we are, and I am sure we shook our butts in many a face, maybe this is all payback

Cybil said...

"Get your tongue out of your nose!" Seriously, my son has a really long tongue, and I am always telling him that. "No more penis guitar" - what is it with little boys and their infatuation with their penii. Come to think of it, I know alot of big boys with the same infatuation! Love your blog (following now).