Speaking in Tongues

Dear Son's

I do not understand the language you are speaking and frankly, it is annoying. Mainly because you expect me to understand and are peeved when I don't. When you tell me Pikachu is stronger then Zigzazoon or Torterra (what the hell are you talking about). All I can figure is this is pretty serious business because the choice of Pokeman card has reduced N to tears on several occasions when a trade has gone down (really it looks like a drug deal gone south some day's). I don't know (or care for that matter) which Bakagun beat who or how this ball battles for that matter. I don't know which Star Wars character is winning whatever game you are playing on whichever mind numbing electrical device your eyes are super glued to. I have no idea about Princess Peach, Bowser, Mario, or the red butts they get when you fight them. I don't know what you  mean when you yell "pop me" or "jump on my head".


This is all foreign to me. I do however find it very amusing to listen to the 2 of you try and sound like you are 16 when you speak to each other with the "DUDE!" this, "Wasss UPPP" that, and the latest "Oh No You DI-INT". "Oh that is so stupid", "What the" and of course your subtle slip in of "I know the (F, S, A) word but I am not going to say it".

The never ending ways that you are able to twist bodily functions, fluids and parts into new words is fascinating. I have learned a whole new vocabulary and list of put downs including  "wiener bone" and "butt nuts" your current name of choice for each other (really there is no love like brother love).

But I nod my head and pretend to understand (care). Because I know the importance of these issues to you, I have taken the liberty of (semi) educating myself. I can only hope you take your studies to become a Dentist and Plastic Surgery as seriously because I am going to need work done some day and you 2 owe me (big time).

I love you (butt nuts)