Fire Brimstone and Walmart

Disclaimer...I am going to say somethings about someone's personal religious beliefs. If you are in anyway sensitive or will be offended about this topic do not read on. I respect the fact that everyone has their own faith and I generally do not feel compelled to share my own opinion on this topic but today was to crazy not to.


Earlier this week I was contacted my a casting agent through my Macaroni Kid site about shooting a Walmart commercial in my town. After I checked her out and made sure she wasn't some crazy female serial killer, I agreed to audition and took along some of my friends to also try out.  After we wait around for an hour and 2 of my friends bail on me because of sleepy kiddos, the casting director finally meets with us.

Lovely Hollywood lady who's first words to me are " I have a 7 year old and a 2 month and I'm nursing, my boobs are killing me" as she is grabbing her boobs.....Ummm, nice to meet you??

I get my 5 minutes of fame, she takes my pictures grills me and asks me a million questions about why I shop at Walmart (which I had to friggin make up cuzzzz I'm a Target girl)

I have time before I have to get baby girl, need snack for boy 1's class for tomorrow so I run into Walmart to get it. That store is a black hole. After I filled my cart with a bunch of shit I didn't need  everything I had been looking for, I go to get in line

DISCLAIMER #2!!! I am getting ready to be potentially offensive  to someone who may be of strong religious beliefs last chance to turn back......

OK Don't say I didn't warn you


I get in line as the cashier rings me up the following conservation takes place for brevity I will call her Joan

Joan "Good Morning, are you having a good day"
Me "Yes, are you"
Me" I think any day you get is a good day"
Joan" I don't know I sometimes think what's waiting for me is better"
(me to myself who never listens to me, shut up shut up just smile just smile)
Joan" I know people look at me like I'm crazy when I say that but I can't wait to get to heaven"
Me "Heaven?"
Joan "Yes aren't you looking forward to hevan"
Me " Well, I think everyone has to decide what works for them and believe what they feel is right, in the end we really don't know who's belief's will be right so we just have to respect each person's choices"
(me to self AGAIN shut up get your shit and leave, she is the slowest ringer EVER)
Joan " Well everyone belives in heaven"
Me "Well, I'm Jewish and we believe that you live your best life here on earth and not for what may come in the afterlife"
(Here it come's you have one more chance to stop reading)

Joan " OH!, my daughter is a Messianic Jew "
Me "oh"
Joan " you know I have learned so much about Jewish people, like now I know that Jew's do believe in G-d and that they believe Jesus was a prophet who will rise again"
Me" Well actually Jews for Jesus are not Jews, they are Christians who have adopted Jewish traditions and holiday's but actual Jews do not believe in Jesus, we don't believe that Jesus will rise again"
Joan" You don't?? Well then who do you believe the Messiah is?"
Me "Well no one knows, there are some clues about the Messiah in the Torah but we don't have someone already picked out"
Joan(looking at me preplexed) "So you don't believe Jesus is G-d or that he will rise again?"
Me "No, that is one of the way's that Jews and Christians are different and why if you are a Jew for Jesus you are really a Christian who celebrates Jewish holiday's and adopted Jewish customs but you are not Jewish"
Joan" Well the what do you call him? Rabbi at their church is Jewish and was born Jewish"
Me " Well he may have been born Jewish but if he believes Jesus is the Messiah, he is Christian"
Joan" Oh, well, I hope you have a good day"
Me "Thanks you too"

As I turn to leave the store, I see that the woman behind me in line and her little girl are staring at me, I smile and see that the little girl has a huge paper cross around her neck with Jesus in huge letters. I get my crap and high tail it out of there.....

And to top my damm day off, the casting agent sends me an email tonight to tell me they have scrapped the project.

A picture really is

worth a thousand words

Being 2 ROCKS! "I'm AWESOME"

Sunday's Dirty Laundry

While my husband and I were out of town for Cara Mama's wedding (you remember where I got my new set of wine glasses) my mom took it upon herself to potty train baby girl. So what's my problem with that? She was not even 2 yet and I thought I had a good year before I had to give up the diapers....that's right you heard me I wanted her to stay in diapers.

My dirty laundry...I hate potty training so much I would rather change diapers then deal with it. It's even worse then the boy's with a girl. At least I could let the boy's pee where ever we were. "Mom gotta pee" pull over open the door and pee out the side of the van. A proud family tradition that we carry on today.

Now with a girl I have to actually carry potty equipment. I hate to carry equipment, I'm that mom who hits you up for a diaper and wipes at the bookstore

The equipment started with potty seat covers..can't let her sit on a public can I (reason 1 potty training girl's sucks). One fateful encounter with an automatic flush toilet (FU whoever invented this you have totally ruined my life) and she REFUSES to use a public potty. I mean kicking screaming arms flapping wild eyed refusal to even walk in the door. I then had to buy more equipment

The Potette...while it is a brilliant idea. I am now either dragging the damm thing around with me or running to the car

At baseball last week, of course at the back field, "Mommy, I need go pee pee" What does mom of the year say Come on my 2 year little peanut of a child let me teach you to pee in the woods, you can squat can't you...this idea did not go over well and I think the other mom's were dialing the cops. Off we run to the car which is 2 ball fields away so she can sit her happy bootie on her Potette.

So now, I, the mom who hates equipment now has to drag the Potette, bags, extra pull ups, change of clothes and my sanity every where I go. 

She wants to wear panties. I want to cry. This must be the start of the payback my mother is going to inflict on me through my own child

Backpack Inventory

With the boy's out of town, I am finding a lot of extra time on my hands. Baby Girl play's by herself and really can't be bothered with me today. I went into the boy's backpacks to pull out what came home on Friday and when I dug a little deeper I find the following items

The blue backpack contained
a tennis ball
2 paperclips
National Geographic
several rubber bands
rocks

The red backpack contained
6 quarters
rubberbands
rocks (big rocks)
2 books
an action figure
2 pencils

Kids are such hoarders....I wonder if they are going to notice I cleaned their backpacks out or if they are just going to refill them with more crap

Friday Night Leftover's

Make sure you check out Sippy Cups and check out the leftovers! 

Here I am with just one leftover for the week, the one I have been waiting for all week.

My boy's are gone for the weekend off camping with their dad and friends. I am home for the weekend with my baby girl (who is not such a baby anymore but I can't come up with a nickname yet that full encompasses her personality)

I am glad that my boy's are off to bond but have the following fears


Bears eating one of my kids

Snakes

Spiders

One of my kids falling into the lake

One of my kids wondering off in the middle of the night while the dads are engrossed in poker and drinking beer





Jason






It raining and they come home early

In anticipation of the trip, my mom only let baby girl take a 1 hour nap (for some reason when Bubbe babysits naps last an hour, when I put her down, she naps for 2-3 hours hmmmmm) so at 6:30 sassy pants was off to bed with her cranky self

The good news is, I can be completely undisturbed for the big T-box taste test tonight hosted my Rebekah, Kate and Lydia....can't wait!

I hope you all have a good weekend, I have a a fun post planned for Sunday.

Diva Drama

My Darling Baby Girl,

At the tender age of 2 your need for controls over your wardrobe is well, annoying cute(ish) to say the least. I am a fan of expressing your individuality, that is why both of your brothers look like they belong in a 70's cover band. But when expressing your own sense of style comes at the expense of my (fragile) sanity and disruption to our fragile morning schedule, I have to step in and put a stop to things. Yesterday when I left you in the capable hands of your Bubbe who has raised 3 very stylish children of her own, the fit you threw over the dress I picked out was monumental. 

I am a little unsettled by this diva behavior from you. You are my only girl. My youngest. I have 2 boy's, I have been inundated with trucks, baseball jersey's, tennis shoes and all things smelly boy. You are my only girl. You are my tutu, princess crown, pretty dress with tights and matching panties dream of all things girlie. You are only 2, your not suppose to care about what you wear yet. For the love of things pink and foofy Baby Girl let me put you in a damm tutu or a dress!

With Love,
Please Please wear the dress
Mommy

Sandbox Rules

Don't you think being a mommy would be easier if we all had to play by the same rules our kids had to play by in the sand box. I know this is a topic I have touched on before but I feel compelled say something again,. Here are the basic rules I think we should all play by

Share

If you don't have something nice to say don't say anything (to anyone)

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Play nice with your fellow mommy

I am always baffled at how grown women can revert back to their ugliest most insecure High School girlness.

I have a really hard time not calling people out on this type of behavior. I have made many a momenemy because I don't follow some of my own sand box rules, mainly the if you don't have anything nice to say one. I can't not say anything. I have a really hard time not calling people out on their bull shit . I have been trying to curb this behavior. I know that I have a very strong personality and you either like me or you don't. I do try to be more likable but find it hard not to speak my mind.
Guess I could take my own advice and try and play nicer in the sand box of mommyhood.

Blogfession

I have been totally paralyzed with writers block. I have had a couple of really unfriendly comments posted regarding my writing and recently lost a follower which upset me more then it really should have. I have just been unable to write. While my kids are still funny as crap and they are making me crazy as usual, it has not come to me in words to post.

Yesterday I read a post by Theta Mom that gave me the prospective that I needed. I have stopped writing for me. I have lost my blog voice, I gave up what I wanted to say in order to gain followers, fans and give away's. I have spent more time using my blog to get people to like me and follow me and less time writing what I wanted to be saying.

I am reclaiming my voice. I cannot let my blog be a source of stress for me, I can't freak out about posting everyday so I don't lose people, make my self crazy trying to follow back and comment on every blog.

I really do love reading all the blogs I follow, I think you ladies are funny and witty and I hope you won't leave me because I don't write everyday or I don't do meme's or I am a crappy comment buddy. I just want my blog to go back to being the fun it was for me.

That's all the serious I have in me for today, I am off to N's school for him birthday and to meet his new "friend" who he has informed me has a "hard crush on him"
Really, why I am dealing with girl drama already with my 5 year old boy???

See you soon back and better then before
xoxo
Crazed Mama

Sunday....I'm back! Miss Me???

I am back from a much needed break from my crazy house....Spring Break ends tomorrow....I drank more Margarita's in the last week then I have in 15 years. All in all, I would say I am primed to make it through this week with few bumps.
Alas, it is Sunday, my day to bare it and share it. This week. I come clean about a little hidden neuroses I have.

Cleancompare

I am not a great house keeper by any stretch. I am not dirty but I lack some serious organizational skills. I also hate to clean, I find it to be so frustrating to spend hours on end cleaning and within 5 minutes of my kids entering the house, it looks like I haven't cleaned in weeks.

 I feel like everyone I know has a cleaner house then I do. I cleancompare. I am sure that all of my friends maintain perfectly clean houses with not a drop of dirt on the floors and I can barely clean up from breakfast.

I find it so hard to keep on top of every little nook that needs to be cleaned. I have had a house keeper which has helped some, I just wish she could come every day.

I panic when my friends drop by that they will notice every little imperfection of my cleaning abilities.

~sigh~ I am sure most people do not notice the arrant dog hair that I missed on the floor or the toothpaste that did not get cleaned up from the morning but I can't seem to let it go and not cleancompare.

Wanna play along?
link up and share your dirty laundry today

Baby Bootie and a freebie for you

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Boudreaux's Butt Paste. All opinions are 100% mine.

Baby Girl show's all her ill's on her bottom. Girl's bottom care has been so different for me then my boy's were. She is so much more sensitive then they were. As a mom, I do have my tried and true stand by products One that I have used with all three of my kids is Boudreaux's Butt Paste. I loved the cute fat baby on the front when I went and looked at the multitude of diaper creams. Beyond that, this product really works! It clears my kids bottom's up overnight. No matter how bad her rash is, Boudreaux's is so gentle she never fusses. I love that it wipes off easy and come's in a variety of sizes. I stash a big tub upstairs and downstairs. I also keep a small tube in my purse.

So why am I spending today's blog post writing about ny daughter's tush. Because, I want you to try it and I can hook you up with a free sample just cuz I love ya! Grab this link and tell em I sent ya. I've got the bootie hook up for your little one.

http://www.blairex.com/BLButtPaste.php

My little tip for ya, I put a layer on Baby Girl's bottom before we spend the day at the beach. It help's keep her tush safe from the sand and salt water. 

Boudreaux's has been featured on Oprah, Today, People Magazine just to name a few! 

So get on out of here and get your freebie!

Boudreaux’s Butt Paste

You may break up with me

Sunday, I saw the most heinous display of 2 of my major pet peeves that I actually stalked this woman and her husband in Lowes to take pictures of then with my phone and 2 children in tow.

Let me back up......I have a lot  a couple serious pet peeves....doggybabies drive me up a friggin wall. I am sure I have a reader or follower who is a doggymommy to one of these doggybabies (I'm sure I do something that annoys the crap out of you so we will call it even)

I also throw up a little in my mouth hate men who carry "man bags" (they are a purse and really do you have that much shit to carry)


So let's break down these crimes against humanity  heinous infractions


Doggybabies

You know they type, the women who's dog's have become their adult substitute for playing dolls and Barbie

They carry these dogs everywhere dressed in every crime of fashion they can find to stick these dogs in

The people who think that their dog would rather go everywhere they go

as opposed to staying home sprawled across the biggest bed in the house licking their butt on your pillow.

My other major annoyance.......

The man bag.....there no man hot enough to pull this look off, there is no way you really need to carry that much crap with you. Beyond keys and your wallet what the hell else can you need?


Sunday I take my boy's to Lowes to get grab some dirt and I see my worst nightmare.....a dogbaby STRAPPED into the front seat of a shopping cart pushed by his doggymommy and his doggydaddy with his man bag. I became so distracted by the sight I could not focus. I wanted to take a picture so bad. I knew it was wrong to do it but I was dying to get a picture.I followed them around the store......and I did it, I couldn't help myself

I snuck 2 pictures. My darling son blocked the woman's shoes which pretty much looked like this

Guess he needed the man bag to carry doggy treats and maybe a change of doggy outfits for their trip to the super market...........

Sunday's Laundry....Spring Break Edition

We are 2 day's into Spring Break and I can tell it's going to be a long week. We have a beach trip on the horizon so as long as we survive the next 2 day's until we leave, I think we will all make it through the week with limited psychological damage.

So my laundry for the week. I have no control over my boy's. I think this is why I dread these long breaks. They are both really great, sweet kids but they gang up on me. I don't have a lot of patience. I will readily admit that. While they will play for hours on end with each other chaos always rears it's ugly head. Someone "accidentally" pushes someone down, takes something or is just generally annoying the crap out of the other. 

Last night was a perfect example. The boy's wanted to have a sleepover in boy 1's room. I expect a certain amount foolishness before they finally go to sleep. About an hour into this ill fated sleepover, I hear buy 2 trailing behind boy 1 "remember it was an accident, I didn't mean to do it"

Boy 1 comes into my room bleeding. Yes, bloody.

He opens his mouth to reveal that is semi loose tooth is now bleeding and hanging along with a bloody lip.

I can see the look of " oh shit how much trouble am I in" on boy 2's face.


So what's so dirty about this laundry.......

I am really bad with blood, really bad. Like so bad last year when my son pulled a TV over on himself (another story) and was bleeding like crazy, I almost passed out before the ambulance got to my house for him.

I am utterly useless in an emergency. I panic. I can't function. This is really terrifying as a mom. People say that your instincts kick in during an emergency. Not me. I suck.

I hope that my lack of emergency coping skills are not tested again often but with 2 boy's and a girl who is wilder then both boy's combined, I am afraid blood is going to be in my future again......just hope their dad is home

A big double dip for Friday!

This has been a crazy week and I have neglected you so to make up for it, I am going to do 2 meme's in one blog cuz I love you sooooo much!




Lynn at midday escapes is the hostess with the mostess and each week hots Friday Follow so go link up and meet some other great bloggers, follow them and they will follow you every where you go stalker style 

I love when I get a new follower and because I am giving away a really great prize (hint hint) if I can get to 100 followers and 500 Facebook fans by Memorial Day follow me (you can follow me every where, maybe you can help me keep track of all my stuff



I am also playing along with Danifred at Sippy Cups because I have a lot of leftovers this week ( I haven't written in 2 day's so you know I've got stuff to say!) So go see her and share some love




My kids start Spring Break this week Pray for me. No really Pray like a lot....that I don't go to hell for letting my kids watch countless hours of TV and DS so I don't lose my mind

I thought it started Monday. I am totally unprepared to have 3 kids home today. I have already made promises of Scooby Doo movies and time on the DS if I can drink my coffee in peace this morning....I'm weak

I love my city but it goes from 40 degrees to 85 degrees in a week. No Spring here, Winter to Summer.

Bathing Suit season has snuck up on me again. She's such a sneaky little bitch.

I spent my first week of baseball season running between 2 fields with baby girl on my hip it was freakishly funny "go boy 1"  run to field 8 "go boy 2" back to field 9 "go boy 1"
Baseball mom's do you feel my pain

I have a (another) new job! I am really excited about this one. I have become a Publisher Mom with Macaroni Kid.



I love the idea of being able to work from home and do something I love! Email me if you would like more information, they are looking for more mom's!! The support is amazing and the opportunity is once in a lifetime



I hope you all have a great weekend! Please come play with me on Sunday and air some laundry, I know it's Easter so come cleanse your soul here (say's the nice Jewish girl livin in the South)